Scarcity and Abundance
The big life only happens in people who believe it can happen in them.
Henry Ford’s famous quote is true.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
Sadly, many believe the die has been cast concerning their future. They believe deeply that the level they have lived up till this point is all they will ever know. It is as if they believe the gods tattooed on their backside words like average, ordinary or mediocre and it has been there since their birth. Nothing changes for them. They think they are stuck, and guess what? They are stuck.
How you see the world has a lot to do with whether you stay stuck or begin to live the bigger life available to you. For many, the problem is a scarcity mindset. They think there is only a certain number of people allowed to live extraordinary lives. And, they don’t see themselves on that list. People actually resent others living large because they think that somehow shrinks the potential still available to them. This thinking is called a zero-sum game.
A zero-sum game is a mathematical representation of a situation in which each participant’s gain or loss is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the other participants. This makes sense in a closed system where nothing is growing. But, we live in a universe that is growing exponentially. You living large doesn’t make me living large any less likely. It is all in our minds. I can genuinely want others to do well and succeed. And, because I don’t have a scarcity mindset, your success doesn’t negatively impact me at all. It excites me because I do not believe opportunities are shrinking. I believe they are growing more and more each day.
Practice ruthlessly eliminating a scarcity mindset. Change your thinking. Change who you are hanging out with. Change your habits. Do whatever it takes to live with an abundance mentality. It is a key in truly big living.
Big Living Can Look a Lot Like You
Big living comes in all shapes and sizes. It is not the rich or the famous that necessarily are living large lives. It is everyday, average people who are choosing to live their lives extraordinary. It is women and men who decide they are not going to coast. They are going to learn, explore, accomplish and contribute all they can while they are living this beautiful life they have been given.
One such Big Living person is my friend, Danny. Danny would definitely be considered middle-aged. He has been an Engineering Technician at Coca-Cola for over 20 years. He is married and has four grown children. He served in the Navy. He likes to hunt, smoke cigars and visit the best hamburger establishments in Atlanta. He attends church, where he works with the media team, he keeps up with sports, and is a serious reader of all kinds of literature. He is a fun guy to hang out with. But, there is so much more to his story.
What puts him in the Big Life category to me is this. In May, 2016, my 57 year old friend, Danny, proudly walked with his class in graduation exercises and received his Bachelor of Applied Science Degree in Organizational Leadership. He graduated summa cum laude.
Danny began his post high school part-time education way back in 1999. He picked up a certificate in Information Technology and an Associates Degree in Electronics from Southern Crescent Technical College but had never finished his baccalaureate.
In 2013, he decided he needed to finish what he started. He began an accelerated program at Mercer University which was considered a full-time school schedule, but designed to work with his full-time work schedule. For two years Danny took two classes per semester. Between class attendance and assignments, he worked on his degree six out of seven days a week. He took Sundays off for church and family time. This was brutal, but he persevered and he finished.
Why did he do it? Danny’s desire has always been to learn, to grow, to become more skilled, and become more effective in all that he seeks to do. He didn’t let growing older detour him from his dream. How about you? Are there studies you’ve been putting off? Adventures you know you are supposed to take? Mountains you are supposed to climb? Rivers you are supposed to cross? It hit me yesterday that Danny could be a poster child for Big Living. He just keeps looking for ways to grow as a human being into the best man he can be. May his tribe continue to increase.
The Importance of a Morning Routine
For 40 years I have studied successful people from all different walks of life. I have found some similarities in their stories. One constant I have seen in almost every high achieving, ‘big life’ person is a thought out morning routine.
I think the brilliance of the morning routine is two fold. One, it makes the morning less about making decisions. The rest of the day will be filled with scores of choices to be made. It is nice to know when you first awake there is an hour or so of disciplined behavior that you do automatically. Second, a good morning routine guarantees you are starting every day optimally, with all systems active and ready to go.
Here are a few practices I have found very beneficial in setting the stage for successful and productive days. I wish I could say I do these things 365 days a year. That would not be accurate. What I can say is when I do these things my day is always better.
I begin the day with gratitude and an acknowledgment of God’s presence in my life. Some do this at a table while they are drinking their first cup of coffee. I prefer to do it before my feet ever hit the floor. I roll up on my elbow in the bed and I begin my day being thankful. I spend about 5 minutes trying to genuinely think about all the ways I have been blessed in this life. This exercise sets the tone for the whole day. After I have acknowledged my gratitude I pray and align myself with God’s Spirit. I am capable of walking through a whole day very in-tune with the Spirit. I am also capable of missing the Spirit’s quiet leading. Seeking communion with the Spirit helps me feel connected to a Higher Power. These two actions are staples for me to have a great day.
I make the bed. I have not always done this. I was one who would argue that beds needed to breathe and making them every day did not give them the chance. I am changing my tune now. Several high achievers have argued that this is a critical part of their day. It gives them a sense of accomplishment right away. They do something right moments after getting out of bed. I think there is something to that.
I drink an twelve ounce glass of water mixed with a shot of lime juice and ⅛ teaspoon of himalayan salt. I read about this practice from world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin. He makes this a mandatory assignment for all the athletes around the world he trains. This is supposed to optimize your cortisol levels and balance your body’s pH, resulting in better sleep, improved digestion, and less body fat. On top of that, it tastes good and it gets your first 12 ounces of water into your body early in the day.
I go outside for a brisk walk/run. This morning Jane and I walked two and a half miles before 7:00 AM. Our hearts were pumping hard when we made it back to the house. All the studies I have read say this type of early morning activity gets your heart rate up and your metabolism working. This activity is important to us if we are wanting to live a high energy life.
There are other habits I try to follow but this is a good start for this article. I want to wake up every day with gratitude in my heart and enough energy to live the day fully. It is certainly important for big living. I hope you will think through your morning routine. Let me know what you are doing that works well for you. Maybe Jane and I will add that to our daily routine.
Big Life Dads
This Father’s Day I thought a lot about my dad. He is nearing his 74th birthday and is still very active. I could fill a book with all the good life lessons I learned from him. In this blog, I want to focus on one of his best.
Lookout for the underdog. This might sound counter intuitive to some. We like it when our children are accepted and thrive with the in crowd. That shows they are well-liked and popular. But, I know of nothing as sweet as watching a well-adjusted, popular kid defend someone who is being marginalized, an underdog. The odd kid in class, the special needs student, the outsider, the person with no friends who is new in the area, all of these kids are underdogs. They need a champion to stand with them. If your son or daughter can become that child, you have parented very well.
Some of my best memories from childhood are of my dad standing up for the defenseless. Once, I saw him stop a gang of men who were beating up a poor, pitiful hippie who had unfortunately had a fender bender with a hostile group of rednecks. Hundreds of people were frozen, just watching the beating take place. Not my dad. When no one would stop it, he did. I was so proud. I saw him stand up for a teenage waiter who was being abused by a big beligerant Texas cowboy who was a customer at a Howard Johnson’s. No one would stop the abuse, but my dad did. He had to get involved physically to protect the young man, but he did it. He would pay for less fortunate kids to go to camp with those of us who had a little more. When he would hear someone speaking derisively about undocumented Hispanics working in our country, he would without reservation tell them if a river stood between him and making a better life for his family, he would swim the river. That stuck with me. I have never looked down on the undocumented because of my dad’s words on the subject when I was a kid. I see them as hard workers looking for a better way to earn a life for their family. When others used slang words to describe African Americans, my dad taught us that was never ok. Never. They were precious people worthy of our respect. They were not less than. It was a theme I witnessed over and over again. And, it made me want to be that kind of man.
My dad aced the underdog lesson and for that I a very grateful. Dads, your kids are watching you. Please remember to pass down your best traits so your children can have a head start on living the big life.
But I Don’t Feel Motivated
Zig Ziglar, was an author, salesman and motivational speaker. His warm southern style endeared him to crowds small and large who came to hear him speak about success. So many quotes from Zig have resonated with me. They are short and powerful – and true.
Earnest people have asked me probably 100 times how they can do right things they know they should be doing when they lack motivation? They ask, “How can I get myself inspired to do the things I know I need to be doing to make my life bigger and better?”
Ziglar has the answer. And it is the only answer I have ever seen that works. Zig said, “Do it and then you will feel motivated to do it.”
It’s simple and it doesn’t sound profound. But it is true. You have to do ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ is – and then the motivation comes. I used to say it a little differently to my sons when they were teenagers. When they lacked motivation to complete a job I would remind them that, “action precedes attitude” or “move a muscle, change a mood.” The idea is the same. We want right thinking to lead us to right doing. My experience is that we have to do the right thing and then our motivation follows. Thank you Zig for saying it clearly for us.
If you are waiting to feel motivated, stop it. It’s not going to happen. Do that next right thing you know to do. I feel confident the motivation will follow.
What Do You Want To See?
In 1968, an educational study was done by by two researchers named Rosenthal and Jacobson which showed that teacher expectations influence student performance. Positive expectations influence performance positively and negative expectations influence performance negatively. This results of this study were called the Pygmalion Effect.
Here’s how it worked. They gave a classroom of elementary school students a pretest. Then they told the teachers that 20% of the students were showing “unusual potential for intellectual growth” and would bloom academically within the year. The teachers did not know this was all made up. The students were really all average. When Rosenthal and Jacobson tested the students eight months later, they discovered that the students they had randomly selected who teachers thought would bloom academically scored significantly higher than the students the teachers thought were just average.
So what does that mean to you and me? I believe if we look at people negatively we are apt to see negative performance. And, I believe if we look at people imagining the very best about them, we will see positive results. The research says what I am telling you is true.
That’s why we need to train our eyes to see the best in people. Every person you lock eyes with is special. They are a walking talking miracle. They have endured more than you can imagine and they have at least to date, made it. They have survived. You will be amazed at how much nicer people are when you see them as special and good. Cut people some slack. Believe the best about everyone and remember positive expectations are more likely to lead to positive performance. That really is a key to truly big living.
Don’t Let Them Win
I awoke yesterday morning to the news that another mass shooting had occurred. This one was in Orlando, Florida. When I started watching the news the death count was 20, and then it was 30, then it was 40 and soon it was 50, with 53 more wounded. It is now the largest mass shooting in American history. It happened in a gay nightclub called the Pulse.
Around 2:00 a.m. the gunman entered the club where people had been dancing to salsa music and he opened fire. He had an AR-15 assault rifle and a handgun. Witnesses describe the scene as horrific. Bodies piled on top of each other. People trying to escape carrying wounded friends. The DJ at the club said, “I saw bodies on the floor, people on the floor everywhere; it was total chaos, everybody trying to get out. The New York Times said it was a ‘panicked scene of unimaginable slaughter, the floors slicked with blood, the dead and the injured piled atop one another.”
The Orlando mass murder has been on my mind all day long. I want to spend this blog sharing two things I have been telling myself.
Don’t panic. The terrorists want to think they have struck fear into our hearts. They want us to tremble when we think of them. That’s why they release the sadistic video tapes of ghastly atrocities committed against their enemies. It is propaganda and you can fall for it if you want. But I refuse to let them win that battle in my mind. They are delusional. Their thoughts are evil. They certainly require our attention but for me, I will maintain a stiff upper lip and go about my business as usual. There are 20,000-30,000 members of ISIS. There are 7 billion people on earth. Their numbers are miniscule. ISIS can cause us problems – big problems. I don’t deny it. They are difficult to eliminate because they are not in one country but rather individuals in terrorist cells spread all over the world. We must be vigilant but we must not panic. If we do, they have won.
The second thought I have been ruminating on is this: I believe love is the strongest force in the universe. So in every way I can think of I am going to love.
I am going to love my LGBTQ friends and let them know my heart is hurting with them over this tragedy. They are precious to me. They are my friends, family and neighbors and I stand in solidarity with them.
I also am going to love Muslims because they are not responsible for what crazed people do anymore than Christians are responsible for the craziness of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas or the deranged man who blows up an abortion clinic killing people because he believes God wants him to. Don’t lump me in with those crazy people who claim to be Christian and don’t lump rank and file American Muslims in with the Orlando shooter. I watched Muslim clerics all day denounce this senseless act of violence. Muslims are not to blame. A radicalized crazy person is to blame.
I also am going to love my family and my friends every single day. This world is filled with uncertainty. We do not have any promise that an event like Saturday night won’t happen to us. We never know when our life is going to end. So, I want to fill my days with loving people. Not judging them but loving them. I think when I do that, it is my way to win against the terrorists evil intentions.
These shootings have become far too common in America. I want them to stop. But until they do, I am going to concentrate on what I can do. I can refuse to panic and I can love. Will it be easy? No. Will we sometimes be a little afraid? Probably. I want to believe this world is becoming a more loving, inclusive, progressive place. The terrorists ideology cannot succeed. It is just a matter of time.
Living Fuller
This week I turned 54. I made it — another year in the books. This morning I reflected on my life, and here are a few observations I have on getting older.
- The Franciscan friar and Catholic priest, Richard Rohr, is right. The journey to maturity includes building a strong “container” or identity in the first half of life and then finding the contents the container was meant to hold in the second half of life. That’s what it feels like to me. The frantic, anxiety producing pace I kept when I was younger is giving way to the more contemplative, deliberate life I live now. As I age, I am more clearly realizing the things that matter. As a young man, I thought I knew who I was. I now realize that in my 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s I was simply building the framework for my life. Now, as a middle aged person, I feel as if I am putting things into that framework that truly reflect who I am. This second half of life really feels different from the first half. There is less certainty, but much more peace and understanding. Getting older does have its perks.
- If you want to age optimally, you need to work on strength and cardio training, flexibility and deep breathing. It still amazes me that I am physically stronger today than I have been in my entire life. I walk taller now than I did 10 years ago. I meet with a friend and walk/run 2-3 miles 3 times a week. Jane and I are beginning to take Yoga classes to help us with flexibility. I do deep breathing exercises every day to maximize oxygenation of my blood and to help with my lung capacity. “Why do you do all these crazy things Ray? You are 54 years old. Put your feet up and coast. You have earned it.” I believe if you are fortunate enough to have reasonably good health, you should not take it for granted or ignore it. Rather, you should spend a little time each day taking care of it so it will serve you and the big life you want to live.
- As you get older, it really is the simpler things of life that you long for. I don’t want a lot of flashy new things anymore. Well, I do want the Porsche Panamera, but we will save that discussion for another blog. 🙂 As a man firmly in middle age, I know what is really important to me. I want to go on new adventures with Jane. I want to spend time breaking bread with my family and closest friends. I want to meet interesting people and really listen to their stories. I want to be a deeply spiritual person. I want to write and speak in an effective way to help people live their biggest and best lives. I want to listen to good music and read good books. I want to help those who are marginalized. I want to truly learn to be grateful for every amazing part of this life I get to live.
Getting older isn’t bad. It actually is much better than the alternative. 53 is gone and 54 is here. Let’s crush this year and make it the best one yet.
What a Wonderful World
Everyone knows gratitude is a critical virtue in living the ‘big life’. Read any list of mandatory morning habits for people who want to succeed and gratitude is always on the list. Grateful people are happier than ungrateful people. Grateful people are more optimistic than ungrateful people. Grateful people see more opportunities than ungrateful people.
You can be grateful. You can greet each day as if it is a gift. You can be humbled at the magnificence of the universe we get to live in. You can truly develop a heart of gratitude for every thing you have in this life.
But will you? It’s so much easier to just complain than be grateful.
Go against the current and be that person who lives with unabashed gratitude for every little thing. That change in your attitude will change your life and open your eyes to a world bigger and more wonderful than you ever imagined.
What are you going to do?
It’s your move.
Lessons from the Greatest
This past Friday evening, one of my boyhood heroes passed away. Muhammed Ali, the sports icon and three time heavyweight boxing champion of the world died after a 32-year battle with Parkinson’s disease.
As a youngster growing up in Atlanta, I remember how controversial Ali was. At family gatherings I would listen to my uncles talking about all things Ali. He was larger than life for any generation but especially for people in the 1960’s.
The 1970’s saw Ali’s stature grow. His three fights against Joe Frazier were all classics. His rumble in the jungle against George Foreman in Zaire, Africa was strategically brilliant. He won that fight by using a tactic I had never seen before. Instead of trading punches with the ferocious Foreman, Ali employed a technique he called the rope-a -dope where he covered himself up and let Foreman punch himself out. When Foreman was exhausted from his ineffective punching, Ali went on the offensive and shook up the world by knocking out his seemingly invincible opponent.
As he boxed into the 1980’s we could tell something was different. He wasn’t just getting older. Something seemed off. We later learned he had Parkinson’s Disease. The most beautifully coordinated athlete I had ever seen was slowly losing his ability to move. It was emotional watching the former champion lose his motor skills and his ability to speak.
I spent some time this morning thinking about Muhammed Ali. Not the boxer, nor Sport’s Illustrated’s Athlete of the 20th Century, but Ali the man. Here are three takeaways from his life.
- He was a master at self promotion and marketing. Ali learned about this while watching professional wrestling on television as a teenager. One wrestler stood out above all the others. His name was Gorgeous George. Gorgeous George had learned the importance of being talked about either positively or negatively. He blurred the lines between good guy and bad guy. He didn’t mind that people hated him. He laughed all the way to the bank as he became one of the most successful wrestlers of all time. As a teenager in Louisville, Ali was impressed by George’s boasting and noticed the electrifying effect it had on the crowd. He thought the braggadocios act might work for him. And it did. Whether you loved him or hated him, you had to tip your hat to him for knowing how to sell a fight and his brand better than any athlete who has ever lived. He changed sports and culture by recognizing the importance of getting people to talk about what he was doing. 50 years later no one has ever done it better.
- Next, is his willingness to stand up for what he believed in, even when it cost him. Regardless of your view on the Viet Nam War, Ali took an unpopular stand against it by refusing to be drafted into the army, and he took the punishment for that stand. Ali was convicted of draft evasion. He was stripped of his heavyweight championship title and he was sentenced to five years in prison. He was fined $10,000 and banned from boxing for three years which most people believe would have been his most productive years as an athlete. He was willing to take a stand and pay the price for that stand. That to me is a strong display of his character.
- Finally, I believe as Ali grew older, his views became more inclusive and loving which is the best way for all of us to age. Cassius Clay was born in 1942 in Louisville, Kentucky. Shortly after becoming the world heavyweight champion in 1964, Clay joined the Nation of Islam and changed his name to Mohammed Ali. If you listen to interviews from that era, Ali sounded like a very angry young man. He had witnessed first-hand the evils of racism and segregation. He would become one of its fiercest critics. His language was sharp and he said some really hard things about the white ruled society he knew. In 1975, he left the Nation of Islam and converted to one of the two major branches of Islam and became a Sunni. He was growing. In 2005, Ali embraced the teachings of Sufism, the mystical Islamic belief and practice in which Muslims seek to find the truth of divine love and knowledge through direct personal experience of God. As he grew older he lost the anger that fueled him as a young man. That, to me, is significant. Ali knew the prejudice he had witnessed was wrong. As he grew older he discovered the best way to fight injustice was to be more loving, more inclusive, and more compassionate. That makes me happy. It would have been sad to see him die as a bitter, old, unforgiving man. Ali famously said, “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” I agree. I am glad he was a growing, evolving person until he died.
I loved Ali. Watching him light the Torch at the Olympics in Atlanta in 1996 was truly a moving experience for me. His body had failed him but his spirit was indomitable. I got a little choked up when I heard he had passed away. He lived a big life. He certainly was a champion to the very end.