Grit
I like the word âgritâ.
It is short and to the point. It means persistence and tenacity. It has been understood as a virtue since the days of Aristotle.
To me grit is a quiet trait that often goes unnoticed. And yet, it is one of the most important qualities a person can possess.
In life anything that is worthwhile will come with a price. No one starts a new business, or completes an advanced degree, or accomplishes a new personal goal without difficulties.This is often where people get discouraged. Things are tough with any new endeavor. To succeed means learning how to get through the hard times. And often all that is needed is grit – the ability to stick with the plan until completion.
Two thoughts…
First, no one will ever accomplish anything worthwhile if they fold at the first sign of resistance. How many people could have succeeded had they just had a little grit? How many people could be wonderful musicians today had they just been willing to plow through the practicing of scales when it became tough? You never know what waits just beyond the tough part. And it takes grit to get to the other side.
Second, there is a time when someone needs to abort the plan because it is not going to happen regardless of how much effort is exerted. The problem is knowing when to hold them and when to fold them is not an exact science. It is subjective.
Grit, which can be an incredible virtue can also be a stubbornness that prevents achievement. Knowing when to quit something is as important as knowing when to start something.
Business Guru Seth Godin in his wonderful book called The Dip, said,”we fail when we get distracted by tasks we don’t have the guts to quit.” So there are no easy answers.
My advice to you is donât quit too soon. Everything that is worthwhile comes with a price. And the price tag can be significant. But for those who have grit the sacrifice is worth it. Do the tough things today that will push you ahead towards the big life you are longing to live.
Holding On To What Is Important
My dad is 73 years old. He is brilliant, adventuresome and very funny. Recently, he was in the hospital for a minor surgery. His post-op orders included wearing support stockings to minimize blood clotting in his legs. Iâll let him tell you the rest of the storyâŚ..
âWhen the nurse came into my room I was just beginning to feel normal after the sedation from my surgery. She was very winsome and it was apparent that she was beginning her first assignment since graduating from nursing school. After a little friendly banter she told me it was her job to get my legs into support stockings. She pulled two long stockings out of a small package and then began to put the first stocking on my left leg. It was a struggle, but after a few minutes she was able to pull it over my knee and half way up my thigh where it belonged. One down.
The second stocking seemed tighter going on. Perhaps my right leg was already a little swollen. She assured me these things happen but she would make sure we got it where it needed to be. Then, she began to pull the stocking with all her might trying to get it over my knee and up my thigh. It would move a little but it was not going on like the other one. She assured me this was not a problem. She said, âJust a little more elbow grease is all I need to get this stocking on you, Mr. Waters.â
“I liked her. She was cute and optimistic. And, I trusted her. She seemed to know exactly what she was doing. When the stocking finally got over my knee there was only about 5 more inches it needed to travel before it would be even with my other stocking. At this point, she decided maybe it would better to push the stocking up my leg rather than pulling it. I didnât think anything was wrong with her plan. She adjusted her position to maximize her push potential. She was going to make this happen with sheer determination and grit. I was proud of her.
She pushed with all of her might and the stocking moved probably 3 inches. She wiped her brow and said it was almost there. And then, with great force, she pushed one final time âŚâŚ.and her hand slipped off the stocking and she punched me right in the testicles! Iâm not lying. I thought I was going to die! I wanted to throw up. I was grimacing on the bed rolling around as much as a 73 year old man can roll around after just having surgery. She was so apologetic and embarrassed. When I could breathe again I told her it was not a problem. But even now telling this story I feel a little queasy.â
When my dad told me the story I cried from laughing so hard. It is pretty funny. But, is there a lesson we can learn in all of this? Just one comes to mind. The moral of the story is this: In life, trying really, really hard is importantâŚâŚ..but don’t lose your grip on what you are supposed to be hanging on to. đ
Getting Healthy to Live the BIG LIFE (Part 2)
A few years ago I made the decision to get into the best shape of my life. I was 50 years old and had spent 30 years getting heavier and less mobile. Â I also had this dream eating at me; I wanted to live a wonderful adventuresome life into my 80âs and 90âs. But, according to my lifestyle, I was not going to be fit for most adventures by the time I reached my 60âs. Something had to change – and gratefully it did. Yesterday, I wrote about my food choices changing. Today, I want to write about the importance of movement and strength training in holding off old age and maintaining good health.
Becoming stronger and more flexible through exercise is about the very best wellness investment that you can make. Sadly, we are a sit on our rear end society. We are not moving as much as we used to. A hundred years ago we would not even be talking about exercise because our entire day was exercise. Even 50 years ago we moved more. Kids donât know how easy they have it. I read this recently and I know it is true. When I was young I had to walk through 9 feet of shag carpet to change the tv channel for my dad. đ The problem with this lack of movement is having a huge impact on us physically, emotionally, and relationally.
Thereâs so much research now showing the benefits of exercise. The American College of Sports Medicine has found that there are over forty chronic conditions that can be either treated or prevented with exercise. It is by far the best medication along with proper nutrition for health.  Itâs not only for physical benefits, thereâs psychological benefit as well. If you think about it motion impacts emotion and motion affects emotion. If thereâs just one reason to do it, itâs to feel better. I taught my sons this mantra when they were younger. Move a Muscle – Change a Mood. It is true.
We all want to feel better and there is nothing better than some form of movement to help improve our whole mood.  When you are feeling stressed or blue sometimes simply take a quick walk, get a cup of tea, take a few deep breaths and remember something encouraging thatâs true. Then, you can go back to your desk. Itâs amazing how you can be calmer and clearer in a very short time.
The University of Missouri did an interesting study. They found that if you sit for longer than three hours at a time it shuts off an enzyme called lipoprotein lipase that actually helps us metabolize fat. So if weâre sitting too long our body is shutting down.  This lets us know we have to figure out ways to move more.Many have figured out it works for them to plan physical exercise each day. But for this to work I believe most of us will do better with an accountability partner. There is wisdom in the ancient Book of Ecclesiastes 4:9, âTwo people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.â For me it is critical to have some accountability partners. At 4:00 PM on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I meet with Conrad and Cowboy, two great guys who have been working out together for years.  Knowing they are expecting me is huge for me. There are days I donât feel like going, but I know Conrad and Cowboy are going to be there waiting so I put on my workout clothes and head to the gym.
Second, choose an exercise routine that you enjoy. Some like to walk/run. Others love aerobic classes. I enjoyed for a couple of years doing Kettlebell classes. Some enjoy swimming. Still others enjoy lifting weights. Whatever you like, do it. If you hate a certain type of exercise, then donât do it. Do something you love. You are far more apt to stay consistent if you like doing whatever it is you commit to doing. Experiment, find out what takes root in you, get a partner and do it. Schedule physical activity for the time of day that fits you best and is most sustainable. I have friends who love to exercise in the morning. I have friends who love to exercise over their lunch hour because it just works well for them. I have friends who love to exercise in the evening. It doesnât matter. Find what works best for you. Put it right on the calendar and then do it.
Practice the âDo something everydayâ principle. Take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator. Park far from the door at the store. Stand up more. Take a walk through the neighborhood with your partner or pet after dinner. Hike up a mountain on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Find something to do every day that gets your blood pumping and do it.
âSleep is increasingly recognized as important to public health, with sleep insufficiency linked to motor vehicle crashes, industrial disasters, and medical and other occupational errors. Unintentionally falling asleep, nodding off while driving, and having difficulty performing daily tasks because of sleepiness all may contribute to these hazardous outcomes. Persons experiencing sleep insufficiency are also more likely to suffer from chronic diseases such as hypertension, diabetes, depression, and obesity, as well as from cancer, increased mortality, and reduced quality of life and productivity.âHow do you do sleep so well Ray? Here are a few things that work for me:
- Turn the computer off by 9:00 PM.
- Donât eat late.
- Unwind with some hot decaffeinated tea and a book.
- Write down plans for the next day so as to not obsess over them at night when you should be sleeping.
Getting Healthy to Live the BIG LIFE
Disclaimer – I am not a doctor…..I’m guessing you probably knew that….
Health and wellness were not on my radar for most of my adult life. I had been an athlete growing up, but once I stopped competing in sports I completely stopped exercising. As for my dietâŚ..I love food. I come from a family of big people (most of my dadâs aunts weighed over 200 pounds) that loves food. I like eating when I am happy, sad, depressed, energetic, frightened, alone, etc…you get the picture. Food has been my friend.
The combination of not exercising and eating too much of the wrong types of food led to me putting on two to three pounds of extra weight a year for about 30 years. You can do the math. It is not good. So a few years ago, I realized it was time to get a handle on my health and wellness. If I want to live a big life I need to make sure my health is as strong as it can be. I canât travel the world and do the things I want to do if I am grounded because of my health.
I am grateful for doctors and medicines. But, sadly many people I know depend on the medicines without first seeing if they can affect a physiological change with their own behavior. I discovered from reading countless studies, books, and blogs that the best place to begin was the food I was eating and the exercise I was getting. I donât want to depend on meds to keep me healthy if I can get the same results by eating clean foods and having a daily workout routine. I have known people who have been on up to 20 medications a day for years, suffering chronic pain, barely able to work. And, I have seen some of those people change their diet and within a few weeks see the pain leaving and in a few months be completely off of most of their meds. It happens all the time.
The food you put into your body really matters.
Iâm aware of the fact that why people eat more than they should is a very complex psychological issue. Iâm not going to tease out all of the complexities of that in this blog. You and I know obesity is one of the biggest problems facing our society. More than â of all American adults are now classified as obese. Approximately 17% (or 12.7 million) children and adolescence aged 2â19 years are obese.
Please donât think that my primary concern for you or me is that if we are heavier, fashionable clothes no longer hang well on our overweight bodies.  The consequences are much more far-reaching than that, including increased risks of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes, and some forms of cancer now being related to obesity.
And for you skinny readers who have great metabolisms, there is even something called skinny obesity where the weight doesnât show up on you but because of the food you eat your insides are aging at an advanced rate.
Food is not just about calories. It determines how you are going to feel during your day. I know many who suffer from what I call FLC syndrome.
FLC Syndrome – You just âfeel like crapâ –Â Â and much of that can be traced to what we eat. The strongest drug you can take is the food you eat. It has the power to change your brain chemistry and your hormones. It can work for your good or for your bad. If you put junk in youâre going to get junk out.
Hereâs a good rule.  If it was made in a plant donât eat it, if it was grown on a plant from the earth eat it.
Itâs so simpleâŚ. Look at foodsâŚ. If itâs an apple thereâs no ingredient list, thereâs no nutrition facts label and thereâs no bar code on it. Itâs just a big red delicious piece of fruit. Eat what is natural. When you do that itâs not just so that you can lose weight. It can transform your life and begin to repair your body.
The opposite of this is to eat what typical Americans eat. Fill your body with high processed carbohydrates, soft drinks, fast foods and excessive alcohol. And you know what that leads toâŚ.THE FLC SYNDROME . You feel like crap and youâre sitting on the couch all the time unable to get up. You canât do anything to live a full life.
Dr. Daniel Amen is an American psychiatrist, a brain disorder specialist, director of the Amen Clinics, and a New York Times bestselling author. He recently said, âThere are two hundred studies now that report that as your weight goes up, the actual physical size and function of your brain goes down.â If you have a fast food diet, odds are youâre going to have a fast food mind.
Helpful Hint — I am successful in my eating when I fill my house with good healthy things to eat. Things like fruits, vegetables and high quality meats now fill my cupboard. Look online to discover the good foods list and just flood your refrigerator, your pantry, your office, your backpack, your car, your cubicle and your purse with good food. Then you never have to go hungry. After a few days of eating clean, your palate starts changing and itâs wonderful how good the healthy foods begin to taste. How amazing would it be if you craved the stuff that actually makes you feel good and have energy and vitality at the end of the day?
And I get rid of all processed unhealthy foods. It cannot live at my house.
A good mantra for us all is this…..When you eat good – you feel good  – and then you can do good.
My next blog post will talk about the workout component necessary for living the large life.
Five Keys for Good Parenting
The year was 1990 and my oldest son, Ray, was eight years old. Because of some of the questions he had been asking about where babies came from, it was decided that dear old dad, me, needed to give the âsexâ talk. My only problem was I had never given the sex talk and was not exactly sure how it needed to be told to an eight year old boy.
I waited until he had finished little league practice and eaten supper at the end of a long day. I walked into his bedroom and shut the door. I told him that I thought he was old enough to learn some things he didnât know about how babies were made. My opening was weak but I plowed ahead. I used medical terms when I thought it most appropriate. About half way through my 15 minute talk I remember thinking, âI am knocking this out of the park. This just might be the best presentation of what sex is to a child that has ever been given.â
Dramatically, I finished the story explaining how a little baby finally is born into the world. Then I asked my son what he thought about how babies were made. Iâve never forgotten his answer. He said, âDad, that is the grossest thing I have ever heard. Good Night.â
And that was it. My son thought sex was gross. I obviously had screwed up. This parenting thing was hard. đ
Being a good parent is one of the most challenging assignments on the planet. After raising my children, hereâs five things I have realized that seemed to matter most.
Remember you are your childâs parent before you are their friend. Now obviously I love my kids. When they were growing up, we had fun. We laughed and wrestled and played together. But, I was first their parent. There was never a doubt about who was in charge. Now that they are adults, they are my absolute best friends. When they were children and teenagers they needed a dad, not a pal.
Donât talk ugly about the other parent to your children. I went through a divorce when my kids were young. It is less than ideal but it happens. Their mother and I made a decision to not use the kids as accessories to our disagreements. We also decided we would not trash each other to our kids. That allowed my children to grow up thinking highly about both parents. Why a man or woman would think it healthy to talk negatively about the other parent to their kids is a mystery to me. If the other parent is a jerk or doesnât pull their weight, the child will figure it out as they get older.
When you blow it, own it, and tell your child you are sorry. I remember times I responded wrongly to a situation involving the kids. Maybe I disciplined too fast before I knew the whole story. Maybe I was madder than I should have been. Things like that happen. And, when it did, I tried to go back to my sons and say, âI blew it. I made a big mistake tonight and I want you to know I am aware of it and I am sorry.â I think those moments are key for maintaining love and authenticity in your home.
Donât let your child think the world revolves around them. Please understand I believed in doing a lot of coaching that built my sonsâ self esteem. They believed they could go after and achieve anything they put their minds to achieving. But, I believed it was equally important for them to recognize others who were less fortunate and did not have the same opportunities they had. I also believed it was key for them to give back to the world in some sort of selfless service. So, we went to homeless shelters. We took humanitarian aid trips to Eastern Europe. They cut the grass and cleaned the gutters for the elderly. They basically grew up with a heart to help those who were in need. Now they are in their thirties and that lifestyle is a part of how they are raising their families. They take clothes to the homeless living under bridges. They feed the poor. They care for people who have been marginalized. And, I could not be more proud.
Give them cross cultural experiences every opportunity you can. When I was an 11 year old boy my family, because of my fatherâs job, moved to Johannesburg, South Africa. We lived there for about six months. When we left there to move back home, my dad took us on a fabulous three week trip where we saw many of the great cities of the world. That travel experience changed my life. It gave me a larger view of the world. It helped me appreciate all types of people and I saw the beauty of cultures outside of my own. I owe all of that to my dad who stepped out of his comfort zone to make that a part of our lives. When I became a parent, that became important for me as well. I can honestly say my sons are the most open-minded, globally focussed, inclusive people I know. And, I think itâs because of them stepping into different cultures as boys.
There is so much more about parenting that could be said. It is definitely an art and not an exact science. AndâŚ. how did my son Ray do after my âgross sex talkâ? I guess ok. He is the proud father of four kids living in beautiful Mission Viejo, CA. I think he got over the gross part of it all.
When my son Ethan was eight, I thought I would try it again. âEthan, I think it is time we have the sex talk.â His response, âOK dad, what do you want to know.â đ Thank God for kidsâŚ..
Climbing Out on Potato Chip Rock
I want to live every day to the fullest. I want to travel and explore and attempt new things. To me, that is the essence of living. Let me ask you a question. Are you still experiencing adventures, or, as you age is life becoming boring and predictable?
Recently while we were in CA, our daughter-in-law, Jenn, told us of a place she had heard of called Potato Chip Rock. She said it was supposed to be a cool place to hike and also would provide a great opportunity for some good photos. Jane and I both like potato chips so we thought let’s check it out. đ
The drive took us just outside of San Diego. Potato Chip Rock is a very thin rock that juts out into space at the top of Woodson Mountain. The elevation is only 2,800 feet. Because of the steep hike, it would feel much higher.
Before we got off of the main road to begin our hike, we stopped at a pharmacy to get a few things. The pharmacist was a nice young lady who appeared to be in excellent condition in her early 30âs. I mentioned we were headed to the hiking trail to ascend to Potato Chip Rock. I asked her if sheâd ever tried it. She hung her head slightly and told us she had tried it but had not been fit enough to complete the hike. Our whole mood suddenly changed. If this lady couldnât do it, how in the world were we, at least 20 years her senior, going to do it? This was beginning to feel like a bad idea.
We got back in the car and with very little confidence, drove to the foot of the mountain and started up the trail. It was the hardest walk of our lives. It took us over two hours and it was all very steep. Sadly we passed no one coming down who looked like they were remotely our age. But, we kept walking. At times our speed was sloth-like, but we continued up the path. When we arrived at the top, then we realized we would have to jump from one rock to another to get to Potato Chip Rock! At my age, I donât jump a lot. My wife doesnât jump at all. What were we going to do? We contemplated just turning around and heading down the mountain but we had come too far. We would not let this problem beat us. I navigated the jump and some nice young men from Italy helped Jane get across the divide. Mission accomplished! Â We were able to get the photos. It was a magnificent day!
We had accomplished something that few our age were even attempting. In fact, most people on the mountain that day were in their 20âs and 30âs. Jane and I had tackled a challenge. We are not great athletes who are in incredible shape. We just have a burning desire to attempt more, dream more, and try more than most. It was difficult but we did it!
As we drove back to our sonâs house in Orange County, I remembered a quote from the late great motivational speaker, Jim Rohm. Jim was famous for inspiring hundreds of thousands of people to live their biggest and best life. He said, âLet others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone elseâs hands, but not you.â
That day on Potato Chip Rock we both felt our lives grow a little larger. While others sit in easy chairs and watch endless hours of television, Jane and I are looking for our next adventure.
How about you?
It’s Time To Lead
Leadership is a powerful word. It is tossed around as the most important ingredient for success in politics, sports and business. We hang on every word a leader says. If it came from the lips of Winston Churchill or Vince Lombardi or Jack Webb we treat it as if it came from Mt. Olympus –Â a gift from the leadership gods.
I get it. I am one of those who believes nothing remarkable happens without a leader. A successful organization usually traces the beginnings of its success to a leader clearly defining the objective then mobilizing the troops for action.
Hereâs where it gets confusing. We have a tendency to think leadership has to be loud or dramatic. Think about the great speech delivered by Winston Churchill to the House of Commons of the Parliament of the United Kingdom. France had fallen to Germany and it looked like England was next. The English people needed a leader to let them know what was happening and how they were to respond. Churchillâs speech was pitch perfect. His dramatic close is as inspirational as any speech of the 20th century when he said,
âLet us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour.â Â
Thankfully leadership seldom requires that level of oratory or persuasion.
For most of us leadership is a quieter simpler discipline. Where are we going? What needs to be done to get us there? What contributions can each person make to propel us forward? How can I keep morale up as we journey towards our goal. How can I serve those who are serving our mission. It is not rocket science and it does not require the rhetorical skills of Demosthenes. It does require taking personal responsibility. Whether in a C-suite or in a factory warehouse, you need to own how you can help. It doesnât take a title. It takes a willingness to lead yourself and those whom you can influence.
So my word for you today is this…Lead. Take responsibility and then without fanfare just do it. Your company, team, church, synagogue, family or any organization you belong to all need good men and women willing to own the vision and move it forward.  My observation is most won’t accept the responsibility. It is easier to just do your job and go home. But when someone owns the mission and invites others to participate in the process, and does it in a loving servant oriented fashion I believe truly great things can happen.
Learning to be Real
I have a pet peeve. It really gets under my skin to be around a person who pretends everything is perfect in their life. Donât misunderstand, I like being around an optimistic person way more than I like being with a pessimistic person. Itâs the faker that frustrates me. You know the type. They act like everything they are associated with is perfect. It seems to be the MO for many.  You’ve seen  the postsâŚ..perfect couple, perfect vacation, perfect children, perfect job, perfect, perfect, perfect. I believe trying to present everything you do as perfect turns people off because they know it isnât true.
My wife Jane and I traveled recently to CA to watch four of our eight grandchildren while their parents were away on a business trip. They are ages seven, five, three, and two. If in this blog I wrote,
âKeeping those precious children was so easy. They were always such a joy. We never had one problem with them. They were perfect little angels who only respected us. They love each other, and they always obeyed everything we asked them to do.” Â
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK? Youâd throw up, wouldnât you? I know youâd want to. đ
But what if I wrote the truth.
âWe love our grandkids but keeping them for a week was hard. There were moments when we lost our cool with them. They exasperated us. At times it seemed they schemed against us. They are sneaky. If they are awake they are pulling on our shirts tattling on one of their siblings. âMimi he hit me.â â Big, he took my toy away from meâ. âBig and Mimi, she pinched me.â
We took all four of them for ice cream one night to a place where you fix your own and then they weigh it to determine the price. I asked my oldest grandson, Cooper, how many toppings do your mom and dad allow you add to your ice cream.  Without blinking an eye he said, âSeven.â We thought that sounded excessive but we trusted him. When his ice cream was weighed it cost us over 10 dollars. I almost had a heart attack. We quickly told the other kids theyâd have to settle for two toppings, not seven.
Jane decided she would make Rice Krispy Treats for the kids……Presley, my beautiful five year old granddaughter told us, âI donât eat Rice Krispy Treats.â I remember thinking, âAre you kidding me? Every kid I have ever known loves Rice Krispy Treats.â I wanted to say, âPresley, Mimi came all the way to Southern California to make these Rice Krispy Treats and you are going to eat them and you are going to LIKE IT!â
Hereâs what I know for sure. You liked the second story that was true way more than the perfect story that was not true. You know why? Because you can relate. You recognized that we are not that different, you and me. We love our families with all our hearts but the day to day is not always easy or smooth. Family life can at times be a little messy. And that is ok.
Deep in me is the desire to live a big life. I choose to see the best in every situation. I genuinely look for the goodness and beauty in each day. But here is where life became better for me. I now can laugh at how far from perfect things really can be. I use to think perfection was what I longed for. That is not true. I am pursuing life – real life in all of its complexities.
That week with the grandkids was hard but it was worth it. And I donât have to pretend it resembled a Norman Rockwell painting. It wasnât perfect but it was real. And it was good.
Just a quick reminder for you today to be real. Donât be a fake or a phony. Nobody believes your life is perfect so you donât have to exert any effort pretending that it is. Own your stuff. Laugh at the craziness of it all. Authentic living is the best kind of living. Big authentic living beats pretend perfection any day of the week.
Resources to help you Dive Deeper to Float Higher:
Fighting Fear
Do the thing you fear the most…..Â
And the death of fear is certain.Â
I donât know when I learned that little saying, but it has been in my memory for most of my life. As a teenager, I remember repeating it over and over in my head while climbing up the ladder to the highest diving board I had ever been on. With legs shaking and heart pumping, I said it one more time and jumpedâŚ.it wasnât pretty but I didnât dieâŚ.and the height of the jump no longer intimidated me.
I overcame a small fear that day. Ray 1 – Fear – 0! That was a very good day. I wish every day was as easy. Sometimes the fear grows and no matter how strongly I repeat my little mantra, I just canât break through.
Author Elizabeth Gilbert, who has written several New York Times Best Sellers including Eat, Pray, Love and most recently Big Magic, has an interesting approach to fear. I heard her speak recently about this. She said she begins with the premise that the emotion of fear is good, helpful and necessary. There are certainly things in life we need to be afraid of like …..
âDonât get in that car with that group of people – something is not safe about them.â
âDonât try to body surf those waves, all the life guard flags say the undertow could be fatal.â
âThat person is not safe. There is something in his character that will harm you if you open yourself up to him.â
Gilbert likes to thank her “Fear” for being such a faithful friend. A friend she has genuinely needed. A friend who has looked out for her best interests. A friend who has warned her of situations where she could get seriously hurt. But, there are times when she has to remind “Fear” that the situation she is entering is not a high risk area. And, âFear” needs to take a break. Gilbert said “Fear”  shows up on the job every day ready to warn her of scary things she is about to attempt. But you can’t live a large life if you are always giving in to “Fear”. So this is how she moves ahead when “Fear” tries to dissuade her from doable things on her journey.
Starting to write a new book is not going to kill her. So, “Fear” stand down!
Stepping out and trying something new in business will not lead to death. Thanks “Fear”, but everything is ok.
Deciding to begin a new hobby or tackle a bucket list item is not necessarily something worthy of “Fear”. So, “Fear”, I will not need you on this one. You can rest.
The way she explained her approach made a lot of sense to me. I donât want to rush headlong into this adventure called life with out any warning signals that I am being too reckless or driving too fast. Or, that I am dangerously close to making a fatal decision. For those times, I want “Fear” to speak strongly into my life and I want to heed itâs warning. But, when “Fear” is acting irrationally, I want to kindly give it the day off and let it know, Iâve got this! And I will repeat my little saying I learned a long time ago……
Do the thing that you fear the most
And the death of fear is certain.Â
Other resources to help you Dive Deeper to Float Higher
Defeating Negative Self Talk
The year was 1977.  I was 15 years old just beginning to attend a new high school. I had a few friends at the new school, but like so many my age, I was a intimidated by some of the upperclassmen. They were just bigger, hairier, and scarier than any of the kids I was used to hanging around.
I was on the JV football team, made up of mostly 10th graders, and we were on the field practicing with the varsity team. (If you are not a sports person, don’t bail on my story. Hang with me.)
Now I was a pretty good football player in my day. Donât misunderstand, I was not great, but always a starter, and I had a certain level of success on the gridiron. The time I had spent on or around a sports field, had been generally good times.
But, on this day, everything was a little off. You know those days when nothing seems to work like it usually does. Â I was having an unusually bad practice. And, the coach punished me by making the team run extra wind sprints. Â Donât miss this. The coach made the whole team run! Â All the JV and all the Varsity!
One big, hairy and scary upperclassman was rightfully ticked at me and said, âPunk, you need to get your âactâ together.â Well, I donât think he said âactâ.  Without thinking I said, ââForgetâ You!â  Well, it was something like that. đ He scowled at me from under his helmet and said, âI’ll be waiting for you in the locker room after practice.â
Because of my poor practice, the coach kept me on the field even later than everyone else making me do additional running. When I got to the locker room, exhausted, I quickly noticed no one had left. Every varsity and junior varsity player was hanging around to see what was going to to happen to me and the big, hairy, scary guy.
Our football lockers were in cages in the boys dressing room near the gym.  Iâm guessing 30 lockers in a cage – and probably 3 cages in the locker room – This kept our football equipment locked securely away from the general school population who used the locker rooms to change clothes for regular PE classes. I walked into the middle cage to my locker, and walking in behind me was the big, hairy, scary varsity player I had offended.  The upperclassmen who were eagerly awaiting my âbeat downâ slammed the cage door behind him. Me and the big guy were locked in a cage in my new school where I had few friends. I could not believe what was happening to me.
With the upperclassman standing now inches from me, I tried to apologize. âListen, I am sorry about what I said to you. I was having a bad day and âŚâŚ.â As I was trying to talk,  the chants of the varsity team began to rumble through the locker room. âKill him. Teach him a lesson. Stomp the 10th grader’s butt.â Then he hit me and knocked me over a bench in front of my locker.  As fights go, it wasnât horrible. I held my own and after a few minutes of us both hitting each other he said a few final words and I said a final word and it was over. Who won? Not sure – I remember my ear hurt for a few days afterwards. As for any damage to him, I truly donât know.
Because I was 15 and not yet able to drive, my mom was waiting to take me home after practice. When I got in the car she was a little irritated because I had come out so late. She was in full mom-mode, telling me that I needed to hurry out after practice so she could get home to make supper after working her full-time job.  As we drove home, with her voice not really lodging in my recently punched ear, I began to quietly cry. I was sitting in the backseat of the car, out of my momâs view with big tears rolling down my face. I remember thinking my life had been so easy and now everything seemed so overwhelming. I was afraid. Life was never going to be as easy as it once had been. Did I have what it takes to survive the battles in front of me?
As I grew up I realized it was not so much battles with fists that I would have to navigate. My real battles were going to be fought inside of me. I was going to be attacked on a regular basis with thoughts in my mind. Every day would be filled with internal dialogues that held the potential to knock me out or propel me to a better, larger life.
And you fight the same voices I fight. The details are different but the strategy seems to be the same.
Our negative internal voice tells us
âŚ..you should be afraid of your future.
âŚ..you are not up to the task.
âŚ.. you donât deserve good things coming your way.
And that voice can knock us out. It has knocked me out. I have lost a few good years to that voice. But it doesnât have to. You and I can defeat that negative voice with a better, more hopeful and benevolent voice.
âŚ..you are walking into an exciting future.
âŚ.you are up to the task.
âŚ..you deserve every beautiful thing coming your way.
I figured out a long time ago, I am a lover not a fighter. And I have no interest in raising my fist against another person ever. But I have to be a fighter with my internal voice that sometimes tries to drag me down. And you have to do battle with your negative voice too. The battle is not easy. There are times it sneaks up on you and tries to knock you out. But you have to fight it. Your future depends on it.
Four resources to help you Dive Deeper to Float Higher!
- How to Stop Negative Self Talk by Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D.
- Reduce Stress and Improve Your Life with Positive Self Talk by Elizabeth Scott MS
- 4 Steps to Quickly Kill Off Negative Self-Talk by J.T. OâDonnell
- Why Saying Is Believing â The Science Of Self-Talk